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Some valiant attempts have been made by Ebay sellers to flog their own handmade wares (the knitted food search has proved particularly fruitful in this respect). But since the Ebay search model is based around the assumption that you already know what you are looking for, goodness knows how many potential desirables remain undiscovered amongst the deluge.

Enter handcrafted haven Etsy, with its multiple quirky methods of browsing the vast array of goodies listed by their global network of craft-minded independent sellers. Search for accessories in your favourite colour using their fancy flash colour chart tool, let other Etsy users be your guide with their 12 favourite items in the Treasury view, visit the Showcase page daily for a fresh batch of 36 choice items, view items as they are listed with the Time Machine function, check out some of your favourites' favourites, or simply browse by category or use the search function in the conventional fashion. A mountain of things-you-didn't-know- you-needed-yet awaits you, and the sheer variety available is a refreshing alternative to the identikit blandness of real-life shopping.

In fact, such is the scope of Etsy's offerings that it is hard to make any sort of a summary, so you are urged to take the opportunity to browse yourself (taking care to navigate around the more chintzy and traditional takes on the crafts brief). So far, my own head has been turned by Details' cute felted critters; Lupin's array of felt creations, moustache obsession (I wonder if she does monobrows too?) and cards crafted from recycled paper; Sugar Snaps' malformed soft toys, charm bracelets and squirrel gloves; Emma Loves Apples' assortment of badges and cobbled together jewellery; and The Mymble's Daughter's ever so gothic and Victorian jewellery. But this truly is just the tip of the iceberg...

The vast majority of sellers are based in North America, and although the weak dollar means that postage costs are generally affordable, be warned that not every seller will ship to the UK. To avoid disappointment and to support your local economy, try adding "uk" to your searches. The UK Etsy Sellers! blog also makes a useful UK-centric navigational starting point.

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Record label merchandise doesn't come much cooler than this range of silver jewellery from German legends Playhouse.

Take your pick from eight different silver charms to hang around your neck: the dachshund, cassette and lightning bolt are our personal favourites. But if you can't make up your mind (and you have the hardcore wrists to support it), the chunky beast of a charm bracelet gathers all eight together in one place for the convenience of the indecisive, whilst a more dainty three charm version caters for the delicate of build.

With prices ranging from 59 Euros for a silk-strung love charm necklace up to 189 Euros for the mother of all charm bracelets, this certainly isn't a cheap way to pledge your allegiance to the Playhouse cause. But the less committed can always choose something from their rather legendary t-shirt range: avoid the obligatory DJ jokes and head straight for the Kraftwerk tributes (you decide who you like best - Ralf or Florian), or perhaps the now-classic Good Music I Dance design.

Either way, show your support now at the online store they call Ingmar...

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The geek is a strange and at times bewildering beast. Whilst there is still little in life more irritating than the combined ignorance and snobbery of a hardcore music geek, of late I have actually started to develop a strange soft spot for their much-maligned second cousin the computer geek.

The rest of the world may mock their strange ways and lack of social skills, but the computer geek remains blissfully aloof, safe in the knowledge that they are members of an elite master race, without whom the computer-dominated world as we know it would grind to a halt. (But then again, I would say that as I want to keep them onside so that I have someone to fix my computer next time it breaks.)

Join me now then for a trip through the geeks own sweet world of in-jokes and disproportionate obsessions, courtesy of the Computer Gear website. The geek sense of humour is equal parts satirical, predictable, silly, tosserish, ridiculous, naff, cute, surreal, unnecessary and clever, but most of all I find their whole world also strangely endearing.

And occasionally, the geeks even stray into seriously cool territory, like this science crib sheet t-shirt with its fashionable black-on-white multitude of line drawings of skeletons, hearts and brains (although the companion maths crib sheet shirt is definitely more of an acquired taste). This eighties boombox style bag with built in mp3-player-friendly speakers isn't bad either, whilst this graph paper tie may well achieve the seemingly impossible and render the novelty tie both stylish and socially acceptable.

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Whilst the desire to make my next pair of trainers an ethical pair has always been a strong one, finding an ethically sound shoe which also meets my exacting high standards of taste has always been something of a tall order. I have always found the Adbusters Blackspot sneaker rather too preppy and dull in design, whilst the sweatshop free No Sweat range has the look of a poor mans Converse coupled with an in-your-face logo which just screams "smug and sanctimonious".

Like much of the western world, I have also long since outgrown my skate shoe phase, which is unfortunate given my recent discovery of the Worn Again range of shoes. A collaboration between eco-shoe manufacturer Terra Plana and the Anti-Apathy organisation, the Worn Again collection is an attempt to develop the definitive ethical trainer, using recycled materials like old coats, coffee bags, bits of car seat and prison blankets.

As a result, each pair is satisfyingly unique and individual, quenching my thirst for customization, and there can be no excuse for ever buying another pair of branded skate shoes again. Available in both mens and womens sizes, order online from Terra Plana for £65, or head down to one of the stockists in person.

If however you would prefer to clothe your feet in something a little more elfin in nature, these Old Street (I know) recycled booties are also available from the Terra Plana site for £90.

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You don't need me to draw your attention to the camp factor of Christmas, even if the contributor behind the mildly offensive definition of the saying "as camp as Christmas" on Urban Dictionary does think that they deserve a medal for their rather feeble insight.

And it doesn't come much more camp than a 2ft Pink Feather Christmas Tree (just £9.97 from Tesco direct).

"Perfect for a little girls bedroom or for general home decoration," they suggest in the product features section, just beneath the slightly baffling assembly instructions of "bend and straighten". Little girls' bedrooms and general home decoration? How very unlike empire-building Tesco to miss a marketing oppurtunity so blatant as this!

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The global aspirational clubbing franchise Pacha is not the sort of thing that The Monobrow can usually be bothered with, but their distinctive cherry logo on the other hand has a kitsch je ne sais quoi that surely transcends the brand's preening socialite connotations. Boiled down to that cherry essence for promotional accessories reasons, we dare say that even the eyes of rock'n'roll jewellery magpie Lady Luck would light up at the sight of some of the Pacha merchandise range - the cherry charms in her tutti frutti sailor girl range speak for themself...

In the Pacha jewellery range, the ubiquitous cherrys are often rendered in subtle silver or the nouveau riche's beloved Swarovski crystals: the T-bar bracelet, cherry pendant, chain earrings and resin bangle all work well, but the dancing diva is one cliche too far to pull off the charm bracelet.

To save you wading through the rest of the tosh on the website, ignore the other 94(!) belts on offer and head straight for this cute red number (£18). Or for a subversive take on the minimal accessory du jour, the military cap is given an "iconic", "vibrant" and rather more housey makeover with the addition of cherries and embroidered Pacha logo (£12).

Of course, none of this stuff actually makes me any more likely to want to ever set foot in one of their global club franchises. But I am not too proud to admit that their free Ibiza lifestyle magazine available on the island this year is the more grown-up and much better looking metrosexual cousin to the DJ Magazine eager beaver trainspotter of years gone by.

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Flip flops are a bit of a summer essential, but I have to say that that tough bit of plastic between your toes kind of does my head in. Give me a nice sturdy pair of Birkenstocks any day (preferably without the typical accompanying woollen socks or excessively eager healthy German outdoor pursuits).

But put a cute animal on your flip flops and it is a different story altogether, like these apple-munching hippo / pig jobs by 55dsl(£18 from Yoox). Sod the chafing: their gormless wide-mouthed faces just about makes any suffering worthwhile...

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Contrary to popular belief, the t-shirt adorned with a witty slogan is not the height of making a statement through your clothing. I am not sure if this bastardised Barbie and Ken jewellery from Margaux Lange is either, but it certainly has something important to say about society's notion of the perfect body which the Mattel dolls are normally blamed for reinforcing.

The Barbie shoe has long been a staple of the Ebay DIY charm bracelet enthusiast, but it would take one quirky big personality to pull off the severed bits of Barbie as jewellery look. Ladies with sufficient balls should talk to current exhibitors the Cervini Haas gallery in Arizona for purchasing details. It doesn't come cheap, but it is art after all...

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A try-hard DJ wannabe is about the saddest thing you can be at the moment, a fact that seems to have escaped much of the Myspace community. There are endless tragic legions of (mainly) boys who think that putting a photo of them in a pair of headphones playing some records to an empty club as their Myspace icon is somehow going to help transform them into superstar DJ material. "Take a photo of me in my headphones standing at the decks so that everyone on Myspace and my Mum can see that i am a real DJ," you can just imagine them saying to their unfortunate mates who have been dragged along to create the illusion of an audience.

Helping me to bring the poor buggers that bit closer to recognising what a sad state of affairs this whole wannabe DJ culture is are this year's batch of Sonar t-shirts which proudly advertise the fact that "I Am Not A DJ". Most of them were snapped up there and then and sent out into the world as ambassadors of a new non-headphone fixated age, but small and extra small girls can still get in on the act for 20 euros at the Suburban Lab online store. If you didn't actually go to Sonar this year it does seem slightly odd buying a souvenir t-shirt from an event which passed you by, but this is an important message which it is your absolute duty to communicate so needs must.

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Once outlawed as the universal signal of a cheap t-shirt, the white t-shirt is now most definitely back. Of course we don't need to tell French trendsetters Kitsune that, who have already plonked the multitude of faces which adorn their current range of housebags onto your classic mens white t-shirt.

But apparently we do still need to alert all UK online recordstores to this fact, since my best Google efforts failed to turn up any UK stockists of Kitsune's latest. Out of sheer desparation I nearly had to direct you to German meathead rave emporiums Decks Records and Deejay.de where i found some lurking amongst all the tragic dj-themed t-shirts, but thankfully our old faithful French friends Nuloop eventually came up trumps. Buy it here for 20 euros.