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I have already gone into the worst bit about X-press 2's recent Kill 100 single on these pages, but in my rage I forgot to mention the best thing about said release: the wall mounted fluffy stuffed lion's head which adorned the cover.

Of course The Monobrow would never endorse the stuffing, mounting, wearing or eating of real-life furry animals. However plonking a cuddly faux fur stuffed toy animal on your wall as if it were a hunters trophy is an amusing postmodern pisstake at the expense the sort of people who still haven't quite grasped the fact that it is much nicer to have live animals about the place.

I haven't managed to track down the X-Press 2 lion for your wall (though rolling them out as merchandise could be another nice little earner for the band), but instead how about this more nordic bear and moose take on things? Buy your own Wall Pet for just £19.99 each, or £37.99 for the pair, from I want one of those.

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Thanks for that helpful public service announcement, Daily Mail and Daily Express. And thanks to Big Daddy Merk for his Mailwatch blog, a daily catalogue of all the so-funny-I-wish-they-weren't-true headlines appearing on the covers of those two great bastions of Middle England's values.

And since it has just turned 2006, the site is currently taking votes on your favourite cover / headline combo of the year gone by. Some of them are so funny you couldn't make them up: plenty of Diana, asylum seekers, gypsies, child porn, the criminal justice system has gone to rot, the modern world has gone mad type of stuff.

You've got till the end of the week (today? tomorrow? sunday?) to register your vote, but after reading the blog comments I think this Express cover looks most likely to take the crown: Diana, asylum seekers and gypsies all wrapped up together in the main headline, Santa and Christmas get banned across the top, and a pretty girl who was murdered by her coke fiend boyfriend fills the picture slot often reserved for Diana herself. As one commentator writes, "In Express Bingo, that’s enough to shout "House!"".

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There has been an awful lot of massive sniffling going on round here recently, but whether that is down to SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) I couldn't say. But hey, anything is worth a try to put a smile back on your face, including the Dana Centre's kind offer of a free light lounge stuffed with SAD-treating light boxes.

You can book your place in the light lounge on 020 7942 4040 (open between 12.00 and 20.00 until Friday), or for more information on SAD see the Seasonal Affective Disorder Association website or the the NHS Direct site.

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It is hardly the sort of thing that normally goes hand-in-hand with sex and drugs, but trust us - this birdwatching trend really is sweeping the nation - nay, Europe!

Unlikely spokesmen for the birdwatching rennaissance are the great white hopes of the UK and German techno scenes, Nathan Fake and Dominik Eulberg. The 'Brow was lucky enough to eavesdrop on a recent bird-off between the pair, which yielded the jawdropping revelation that Fake's favourite bird is the Great Crested Grebe, and that Eulberg has seen them mating.

Birdwatching is probably going to be the new minimal, so now is your chance to get in there early and pledge your allegiance to the feathered cause long before all the usual bandwagon-humping suspects tag along. And really there could be no better time to get hip to the birdspotting beat, with the RSPB's Big Garden Birdwatch taking place on the weekend of January 28th & 29th (the Sonar of the ornithology world).

The deal is, you spend an hour watching and recording the birds which appear in your garden or local park, noting down the highest number of each species to appear at any one time (using their counting sheet with pictures as a guide), bearing in mind that "seeing the same blue tit come back 10 times does not make 10 blue tits". The data is then sent back electronically to the RSPB, which enables them to gain a snapshot of winter garden bird populations across the UK.

Be sure to get your country grime look in order for the occasion, too.

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This morning my world has been turned upside down, as I open my email inbox and find that now they are sending out spam for things that people might actually want to buy. What is the world coming too.

Some company called Capelabranca want to sell me a recycled cardboard castle or space rocket for around £25 - £30, and do you know what, I actually kind of want to buy one, even if I don't know any children to put in them. Working under the solid assumption that all kids prefer to play with the box anyway, Capelabranca playhouses are imported from Brazil and have already received the Conran Shop and Tate Modern seal of approval, and if you happen to know any under fours, I'm assuming they will win over them too.

But I still can't condone the spam. Nor can I figure out how on earth they got my childless email address. Help help.

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How apt that just as I am preparing to write this, DJ itunes should play David Bowie's "I'm Afraid of Americans".

Presenting the Cuddle Party: groups of New Yorkers gather and get their jollies by snuggling up to strangers.

"The brainchild of two relationship coaches, Cuddle Party is a non-sexual, judgement free space to explore touch, intimacy, affection and choice, where your boundaries will be respected," runs the official blurb.

The rules state that sensible pyjamas and stuffed animals are in, dry humping and alcohol are out.

I know it sounds like a sike, or the sort of thing you might read about in Sugar Ape magazine, but GQ, FHM and Time Out New York seem to think that it is real enough. This prudish, uptight Brit finds it all a bit creepy.

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The Monobrow's Jacques Ettienne engages in his new favourite hobby of typing random words into Google News, with a selection of "interesting stories with the word mamma in the title". Bear with him... read more...

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More charity excitement. London creatives Poke have come up with a clever technique to raise cash for Care International. Unlike guilt tripping you by using hemp paper or children's handprints to represent the seven stages of lost innocence, the Global Rich List appeals to your self-scrutinizing side as you discover, through typing in your annual income, exactly how rich you are compared to the rest of the world's population (answer: very rich).

You are then asked to donate one hour's worth of your annual income to the charity. A great idea and one that I am sure will be succesful, although I think they must be assuming that we are all French, or a London Underground tube driver, as the amount you earn per hour seems a little high unless you are working very few hours a week...

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Sometimes your journeys round the internet trawls up things so wierd they can't possibly be real. Could they?

The real hamster love doll was an excellent pastiche of this truly tragic Real Doll sex toy, but I have an awful feeling that these sites paying people to have corporate tatoos is all too real.

LivingAdSpace.com hooks advertisers up with individuals looking to be paid to wear a logo on a hat or t-shirt, which of course is nothing new, or even a permanent tattoo, which is something else altogether. CEO Joe was paid by the GoldenPalace internet casino for this tattoo, whilst other highest bidders in his Ebay auctions include PillDaddy prescription medicicine site and the Save Martha Stewart campaign. There go another few links to boost their internet presence...

TatAd similarly hooks up advertisers with willing human canvases, adorning their site with photos of previous "promoters" who have given a little bit of their skin in return for something in between $250 to $1000 dollars. Scary.

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They're probably not going to replace Google as your search engine of choice, but you have to give Mamma points for effort at least.

Mamma is a metasearch engine, obtaining its results from a simultaneous searches in a variety of other online applications. But mainly it is their name and slogan ("The mother of all search engines") that we love. Easily amused? Yes.